The“Koran, now in 2-ply”
Published: Monday, October 24, 2011
Updated: Tuesday, October 25, 2011 16:10
Usually in a letter like this you'd start with, "Dear sir," or "To Whom it May Concern:," but neither of these fit. I know you're a man, I saw you when I passed your van, desperate to escape your slogan, but I don't feel comfortable addressing you as sir. Sir infers that I respect you, and frankly I don't.
I get it. You think that America, the land of the free, doesn't need any crazy-Muslims and their wacky book of not-the-Bible, but aside from being a total bigot, you're completely miss- ing the point of being American. We became the land of the free to escape religious persecution. I feel, understandably, that you're making it pretty difficult for Muslims to feel that same level of freedom.
If I'm honest, I'm a pretty naïve guy. Maybe you thought it was a pretty cool goof to put that bumper sticker on the back of your van. Maybe, hopefully, you don't mean it. I don't want to label you as a racist because of how you decorate your car, but you've made it exceptionally difficult for me to believe otherwise. I made a lot of assumptions about you and how you behave after seeing that sticker, but that's just karma right? Sorry to reference another phone-baloney religion. Mybad.
Naturally, I've imagined you reading this letter to yourself; a grimace set into your face as you struggled with some of the bigger words and figured I'd spell out some stuff for you. It's no secret that the rest of the world isn't always keen on America. You are why. You are the American people in other countries imagine, close-minded to other beliefs, decadently proud of your own country and far too brash to be let out in public.
"No!," you exclaim, furious at the assessment I've given, "I'm certainly not like that. I'm a hard worker, and a family-man. You've treated me unfairly." Again karma. Imagine the millions of Arabs and Muslims forced every day to be associated unjustly with al-Qaida or other terrorist groups, just because they belong to a certain faith. It's tomato, tomato I guess.
What bothers me the most is that a company saw it profitable enough to make those bumper stickers. You are not the only wretched person with out-and-out racism on display for the world to see. You may be complaining about Americans being too politically correct. We aren't. You're just being really super racist.