Apple ignores negative connotations with iPad

It’s that time of the month again, I guess I should buy the new iPad.

Before I read the latest news, I heard someone say, “iPad. Sounds like a technological feminine product.” I chuckled, imagining a high-tech sanitary napkin, assuming that he was referring to some kind of debate lingo or inside joke. “Yeah,” I thought to myself, “that word really does sound like one.” Then, much to my terror, I realized that this was the name of a legitimate, cool new product.

If it wasn’t so far away from April, I would have assumed this was some kind of April Fool’s prank. In fact, I’m still skeptical. It’s difficult for me to fathom this boardroom discussion.

“iPad, I love the sound of it,” I’m sure many of them opined. And by many, I mean men. I can’t think of many women who would be enthusiastic about the name unless they were feeling silly.

As cool as this product seems, the thought of having to hear other people referring to my “iPad” would not only make me feel awkward, but it would probably send me sifting through my purse looking for something to help you for that time of the month. And if a guy asked me about my iPad, I would probably leave him immediately and talk to everyone about how some pervert just inquired about my feminine products.

Sometimes companies mess up their names in smaller ways and it seems fine sales-wise. Take for instance the popularly advertised medicine AcipHex (pronounced Assi fects). Yeah, this product helps with acid (hence the Aci part of the name), but when it is pronounced out loud, it sounds like it has effects on a certain part of your body. My dad pointed it out when he heard the commercial and we got a huge kick out of it.

Another example is a friend of my family’s. Years ago, he had to make a jingle for a radio commercial for a company called Imperial Palace. Their slogan was, “more than you imagine.” When they gave him the script for the end of the commercial, they asked him to have someone singing “I. P., more than you imagine!” Of course, it came out sounding like someone who had overactive bladder problems. After talking with the company about this egregious oversight, they changed the I.P. back to Imperial Palace for their jingle and avoided that embarrassment.

My family and I laugh about these advertisements gone awry, but once the laughter fades, you really have to wonder: what is wrong with these people? I would think that if a company was going to spend so much money on a product, they would actually pronounce it beforehand. Maybe someone would realize their product name is just like the fake name Ben Dover or reminds people of things that in society must go unsaid, as the iPad does.

Of course, maybe Apple realized that the iPad reminded all women of a tacit, gross aspect of their life and just disregarded it. They may have even thought it would bring more publicity. The question, though, is whether or not many people will feel inclined to purchase this new gadget knowing that they will subsequently get teased because of its name. Personally, I hate the name, but I think that once enough people are found lugging this expensive product, the desirability will increase tremendously. Also, I think that we’ll just get used to it. The jokes will become increasingly rarer because the novelty will be done. But, like many other words that have a double meaning, I’m sure that whenever we say the word iPad, we can keep a straight face but think of a pad every time.